MANAGING ANGER

Managing Anger
I have learned an invaluable lesson that anger can be managed if I am aware of my behavior and identify the triggers of anger,my thought patterns, my bodily change, behavioral responses and to initiate strategies to manage my anger. I have learned the COW behavioral responses to anger.

My anger was a major problem to me. When I was angry I would not face my problem or the cause of my anger instead I would choose to ignore the situation by removing myself from the situation. Some of the problems of my life thus remain unresolved till today.

Let me illustrate with a simple example from my childhood. I was given the responsibility to fetch my youngest sister, Ashwini from pre-school.

I had an unbelievable amount of schoolwork that I had to complete. To make matters worst, I was encountering difficulties in understanding my schoolwork let alone finishing my homework seemed like a mammoth task. I lost track of time and only remembered that I had to fetch Ashwini till it was a bit too late.

I rushed to her school, only to find her alone and sobbing uncontrollably at her school gate. It must have been a terrifying experience for an eight year old. Guilt overwhelmed me and I truly felt like such a lousy and irresponsible sister and person. I promised myself that such an incident would never happen again.

An eight year old being an eight-year old, told my mum about me being late to fetch her. My mum, a forty five-year old being a forty five-year old, became irrational and started screaming at me without even hearing my explanation, let alone my apology.

I was blown over by anger and frustration at her needless accusations and screaming and not even giving me an opportunity to explain. I was late because of schoolwork and not because I was gallivanting with my friends. It seemed very unfair, considering I was already feeling guilty and juggling responsibilities as a student and a sister.

I did the only thing I knew how to do. I left the house without informing anybody of my whereabouts and went to my eldest sister's house. My mum was worried sick and I was ticked off my by my eldest sister for worrying my family. I kept to myself and did not attempt to speak to anybody. I eventually felt very alone and isolated.

Several similar events have occurred and me running away from my problems has become a vicious cycle.

After this lesson I have gained a new perspective in how to manage my anger. Now when anybody is screaming at me, I have learnt to control myself to cool myself down, I remove my self physically from the situation and wait till the other person's anger has been spent out. After which I explain myself and my actions in a cool and calm manner. As for my mother, I try and empathize with her as I know she is trying her best at being a single-parent.

Even though, it has only been a short time that I am using these anger management methods, there has been a personal difference as I feel more at peace with myself and no longer feel isolated. My family is also glad to see that I have opened up my lines of communication and no longer see me as a brooding teenager.

It is only the beginning for me, but a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, and I am taking that first step.