Listening Skills

LISTNEING SKILLS

After attending this lesson, I have learned how to evaluate my present listening skill level, barriers and techniques to improve on listening skills. Exactly “Listening” is an active two way process. By listening you would be able to improve self-esteem, confidence, team work, trust and sense of belonging.

I have learned the ground rules for Effective Listening:

Look interested and Lean
Ignore or Overcome Internal and External Distractions
Suspend Judgments
Tell them what you’ve heard
Experience their side
No interruption

Let me share my experience about LISTENING with you.
In Secondary 2, I was nominated by my teachers to be a student councilor. They felt that I had the qualities to be a good councilor. As I am patient and I could communicate well with my peers.

I have councilled fellow school students and they have taken my advice for the better. To equip us with the correct skills to council, me and my fellow councillors were sent to attend a seminar on how to help those people in need of a listening ear and help them make a rational decision on how to overcome their difficulties.

I had learned so much from the speaker that I am able to improve my listening skills. I learnt that learning to listen takes practice and this skill is not developed overnight
Everyday is a learning process. To listen, you need to be able to focus on what the person has to say even if there are distractions, your facial expression plays an important role that shows if you are interested or not, before giving your opinion, you have to put yourself in the other person’s shoes to understand their situation better.

Never give a direct answer what you feel in that moment. We have to stop and think before we speak. I learnt this lesson the hard way. A friend called me and told that me that she didn’t do well in JC and she wanted to commit suicide and she is unable to handle the pressure from her family. My first response was to laugh as I was so close to her that I felt that she was just joking about it.

The next thing I knew, I received a call the next day informing me that she tried to attempt suicide and she was admitted in hospital. I was very disappointed with myself as I had let a friend down. That day I had a second chance to listen to her problem and I used my skills as a councillor and I heard her problem and I gave my advice to her and I followed up with what I said. I continued to talk to her and was able to help her by listening to her. Eventually with the help of a close friend and family support, she is now a NTU graduate.

MANAGING ANGER

Managing Anger
I have learned an invaluable lesson that anger can be managed if I am aware of my behavior and identify the triggers of anger,my thought patterns, my bodily change, behavioral responses and to initiate strategies to manage my anger. I have learned the COW behavioral responses to anger.

My anger was a major problem to me. When I was angry I would not face my problem or the cause of my anger instead I would choose to ignore the situation by removing myself from the situation. Some of the problems of my life thus remain unresolved till today.

Let me illustrate with a simple example from my childhood. I was given the responsibility to fetch my youngest sister, Ashwini from pre-school.

I had an unbelievable amount of schoolwork that I had to complete. To make matters worst, I was encountering difficulties in understanding my schoolwork let alone finishing my homework seemed like a mammoth task. I lost track of time and only remembered that I had to fetch Ashwini till it was a bit too late.

I rushed to her school, only to find her alone and sobbing uncontrollably at her school gate. It must have been a terrifying experience for an eight year old. Guilt overwhelmed me and I truly felt like such a lousy and irresponsible sister and person. I promised myself that such an incident would never happen again.

An eight year old being an eight-year old, told my mum about me being late to fetch her. My mum, a forty five-year old being a forty five-year old, became irrational and started screaming at me without even hearing my explanation, let alone my apology.

I was blown over by anger and frustration at her needless accusations and screaming and not even giving me an opportunity to explain. I was late because of schoolwork and not because I was gallivanting with my friends. It seemed very unfair, considering I was already feeling guilty and juggling responsibilities as a student and a sister.

I did the only thing I knew how to do. I left the house without informing anybody of my whereabouts and went to my eldest sister's house. My mum was worried sick and I was ticked off my by my eldest sister for worrying my family. I kept to myself and did not attempt to speak to anybody. I eventually felt very alone and isolated.

Several similar events have occurred and me running away from my problems has become a vicious cycle.

After this lesson I have gained a new perspective in how to manage my anger. Now when anybody is screaming at me, I have learnt to control myself to cool myself down, I remove my self physically from the situation and wait till the other person's anger has been spent out. After which I explain myself and my actions in a cool and calm manner. As for my mother, I try and empathize with her as I know she is trying her best at being a single-parent.

Even though, it has only been a short time that I am using these anger management methods, there has been a personal difference as I feel more at peace with myself and no longer feel isolated. My family is also glad to see that I have opened up my lines of communication and no longer see me as a brooding teenager.

It is only the beginning for me, but a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, and I am taking that first step.